Three weeks before...

what could have been the biggest mistake I would have ever made in my life!

I haven't sounded off in such a long time. You should all be really happy I'm back, it's been what, almost a year since I've written anything, and probably even longer since I've written anything good (good luck to anyone trying to find any of my decent posts). Man, can you believe that I was going to marry Kristin Moore? I mean that girl is off the chain, flat-out stupid. Yeah, I know we went out, and wanted to get married, then broke up. Then we got back together a couple weeks later and went out for a couple more months, set up a date for the wedding, were looking at rings, planning a honeymoon and thinking about our future together, but then we broke up the Monday before Valentine's day of this year. You got back some time in April and it was whatever. We had the awkward talk about just being friends, and even though I made it really really clear that we were just friends, we still made out, but just a little bit. We even planned a trip to the beach, but after my Mom and one of my brother's talked some sense into me, I cancelled the trip, stopped talking to you and told you that we shouldn't see each other because I was only making it harder for you.

In the long run, I'm sure you would have thanked me, but in the short run, I almost wonder if you had an extra chromosome because of your actions. I mean, April 30th was just another day at work for me. I worked five hours in store and another five downtown selling at a Taylor Swift show. Afterwards I was dead tired, went home and just fell asleep on my bed right away. You had tried to get my attention a few times that week, but I did my best to ignore you. A couple hours later (I guess when you knew the coast was clear), you gathered up some people to exact your revenge on me. You, along with Preston Joyner (my first good friend in South Carolina, until you and I started dating), Brandon Kats (Preston's cousin, a really good friend of yours who I also thought was a friend of mine, who I was there in the hospital with him when his Father died, and who is getting married on the exact same day that you and I were supposed to get married), and Meilian Campbell (some two-bit twat) wanted to mess with my car real bad. So what did you do?

The short version is two misdemeanors and a felony. The longer story is you vandalized my car inside and out, you broke into my car, and you also stole from me (granted it was just the spark plug wires, but that's enough for a car to not start). Not only did you, Kristin Moore, lie to me about what you did, but you lied to Police Officer, which is another crime. Oh, and Brandon Kats, you looked at me straight in the eye, face to face with me, and told me you had no idea what happened, that you would tell me if you heard anything. Shame on you, shame on all of you. Also, another person who had a lot less of a stake in what happened, but kept the coverup, Melissa Kirby? Yeah, she covered for Preston because she's in love with him, even though Preston is just a two-timing punk, telling two different girls at the same time that he loves them and wants to be with them.

This may be a little bit of fireworks for you all to handle, but when have you ever known me to hold back? Exactly, it's just not my nature.

remember kids, The Only One Says A Lot Of Things...

Today

started slow, but tonight?

Well tonight is just the complete opposite and different story that you have probably come to expect from me by now. I don't really have a whole lot going on cause I'm still currently unemployed, but I'm looking to change that shortly, cause it's starting to get weird. But until I find that money tree, I'll keep enjoying the company of great friends. Ben O'Brien (awesome duder) has a killer apartment. Like literally, it's fun for everybody that goes. I've only been twice, but both times, we always end up having a jam session cause he has like 8 instruments in his living room, but the guitar is the only one that holds my interest.

I haven't played as much lately, and I don't really blame or credit that to anything, I honestly don't. I wasn't really planning on playing tonight, but my new friend, Krymsizzle as she will forever now be known, said that I should play. I kinda froze up at first, but then just played and didn't sing. I think some might have been a little disappointed. I just make music, I never said i was good at it or anything :) However I am glad that I was able to play an acoustic guitar that doesn't suck (mine does). We also did a million other things tonight, but I have to go with the things that I think will be memories for a while, and I think I made some of those tonight, just maybe. Afterwards I had the opportunity to take Krymsizzle and Catherine Whitt (also a very cool lady) home, while enjoying the shuffle feature on my iPod. After I had dropped the precious cargo off at their respective homes it was time for my test, see if I could get home, at 2 in the morning, and not get lost. Surprisingly, I did not take one wrong turn, which was super good, because I was starting to get a little tired.

I know this isn't really exciting or anything, but get over it, it's not like I'm KISS, going the total opposite and making a disco song (yuck), I just have a mellow entry. Keep reading, I have a feeling you don't want to miss out cause The Only One says a lot of things.

I lost sleep for this?

So, I know that I talked about school a lot in my post two days ago, and I still love school, so don't worry about that. I'm not losing interest, but I think last night I was dumb. I didn't do anything illegal or anything that has tremendous consequences, but I'll be tired as balls today.

Originally the plan was to go to karaoke / line dance bar again, in fact the same one that I went to last week. Found out that plans had changed, and then we were just going to hang out at Jacki and Olivia's apartment, and Ben would join us. I'm not using last names in this post for a reason, cause it's not essential for you to know everything about everyone involved, but it's important to know why I'm sleep deprived right now. We talked about relationships and how they should work. We discussed this for three hours between the four of us, for another hour without Ben, and a little while longer just Olivia and I. There were a lot of points brought up from all four people involved. Seeing as we are all human and all have experience, we all wanted to express what experience we had received from whatever situations we have been in. We weren't looking to solve some great mystery, but to try fixing a broken man's soul.

Ben actually reminds me a lot of myself from not too long ago. Very pompous and selfish with a bad attitude about relationships and what each role should be, especially the role of a man in a relationship, and how boys and girls are supposed to work together and be sensitive to others' feelings and be able to help make it something special and worthwhile. His view on why things are the way the are and why they have to be that way, as well as how they should be seems so warped to me. I know there is the whole bro-code to follow, you know, you stick up for your fellow man in a situation of argument with the female species, but i think logic overrides gender. It's just how I feel about certain things.

I think we all react to things differently than anyone else, and it's not like there is a right way, or a certain reaction you are supposed to have to certain events. It all goes down to how you act, what your attitude is like after you have gone through something like a breakup, but then again it also starts with attitude in a relationship. Of the many things we talked about last night, one thing we talked about was being good with words or being a smooth talker. When guys use a line on a girl, there is a chance it will make a girl smile, which is something EVERYONE loves to do. It's human nature to want to be flattered, it feels good, and there's no shame in that. But flattery can only get someone so far. It's like having a house made out of water-dissolvent house. It'll hold for a minute, but as soon as the rain comes, you're screwed, completely. That's where lines will leave you. Now to how it goes being good with words...

While a girl will pay attention to what a guy says, that's not always the most important. Most guys underestimate the delivery on what they say to a girl, and how much that means to her. In a logical setting, where I have a chance to plan what I'm going to say, it's like I can't say anything wrong, I am clear and concise. I'm not smooth, but I can say the right thing, and go forward with that. When I'm a with a girl I'm attracted to, and much more someone I have interest in, my brain still processes everything the exact same way, the right thought process is going through my brain, but my heart gets away. My emotions will always work harder than my brain. But that's where the delivery comes into play. A girl should be able to look into your eyes and know how you treat the situation and how you treat her, how you feel about her. Anyone can have dreamy eyes, or hypnotic eyes. You can really tell a lot from someone's face, especially their eyes. When a girl looks into my eyes, I want her to look past the hazel and see truth. I want her to know there is truth in me and no matter how stupid things sound when they come out of my mouth, that she'll know that I am trying. Cause in the end, no one has all the solutions or all the right answers, and we expect misses or mister right to have that, than we might as well give up now. There is no perfect relationship, and something amazing is always worth working towards, and working to maintain it and improve it.

A relationship is not a goal, it's a journey.

Your welcome, lovers, cause the Only One says a lot of things.

Ugh, are you seriously staring at me?

I'm not exactly what one would call eye candy.. I mean, I look alright, but I'm not champion of natural beauty, by any means. My style isn't exactly impressive today either, I'm wearing only two rings, my Kanye West Shirt, jean cutoff shorts and my Osiris hi-tops.

I think I look good, not great, but apparently the girl sitting near me in the internet cafe thinks differently that I do, because she can't seem to stop staring at me. If it wasn't for my stupid peripherral vision, I coould just enjoy my lyfe and not have to worry about this, but noooooooo, I'm never lucky like that. I'll admit I'm guilty of checking out a girl every once in a while, but I had enough class to not like, you know, stare. I may be retarded, but at least I'm not socially retarded, that would really suck....

Oh well, I'm over it. I'm back in school now, and back on the east coast, so you know it's really good. A lot has happened since I wrote something fresh, maybe soon to be autobiographical short-stories, but I don't know how consuming my lyfe can be to you all. I'm not sure if the college I'm at is considered community college status or just like a two year? I mean it's the same education for me either way, and I kind of love it right now. My classes are pretty legit, and there are cuties everywhere, even though they kinda lose importance to the whole sholastic endeavors of mine. I think they'll understand and won't be too heartbroken.

I love listening to Kanye West when I'm driving to school, walking into class, while sitting in the internet cafe, working on homework and anything else school related. Look at this first three studio albums: The College Dropout (2004); Late Registration (2005); and Graduation (2007). I mean people can think whatever they want, but I kind of admire his approach, his views if you will, on education. I'll just analyze his album titles. The debut makes sense to me, cause that's what I did, if you think about it. I spent the last couple years working for the most part, and don't have much to show for it, except experience, which I guess is important, as long as I show that I have actually learned stuff, which thankfully, I have. The next album, Late Registration, speaks to me too, cause anyone that knows me, knows that I have a habit of being late in general. With my recent move to South Carolina, I definitely experience Late Registration. It's just stressful as a mofo, but in the end, I'm glad with the schedule that I ended up with, because, not gonna lie, I think I may actually learn a lot this semester, which is great.

Now the last album, Graduation. It was his third album, and I think it kind of symbolizes his superstardom. He's reached a level that people expect greatness from him, he's proven himself. I obviously haven't finished school yet, but I'm working towards that graduation. There is another graduation that I'm working towards, or possibly have already achieved, but I can't really be the judge of that. I don't think I'm at the level where people expect greatness from everything I do, but I'm startin to turn things upside down to get them rightside up again.

Now there is some creeper old dude sitting across from me, looking at me for a few seconds and then writing things down. My friend, Olivia or Oliver as our friend from Ozzie's called her, says he's probably analyzing me, which is the opposite of reassuring, but it's just weird. I think I'm going to get a job in the next couple days, like actually get hired. I know that doesn't sound very confident, but I think it's pretty legit. I mean, I have to save the confidence for the job interviews I'll be having, no doubt. If not, then I'll just do some homework, read a book or two, you know, things that other humans do.

So even though the Only One says a lot of things, they aren't always so bad...

A Wednesday in June

I'm not exactly a little kid anymore. I'm the youngest of five kids, but you know, I'm twenty one years old. Not sure exactly how I made it this far, but apparently I'm still alive, or at least that is what my heart is telling me, and I'm okay with listening to my heart on this one.

Initially, this was only going to be about girls that I found upsetting from a personal standpoint, but I realized that although that's where most frustration comes from, there's a lot of other people that deserve to be in here, people that the world wants to hear about so they will know to avoid those people in the future.

I also want to be able to just spit out some things that may or not be on my mind, past or present. And it's my blog, so I guess I can do that. I won't say anything offensive, but it might sound weird to read something you don't see every day.

I want to be with a black girl. Be in a relationship like I've never been in before. I'm not saying that it's likely to happen, but if it were to happen, I wouldn't try to stop it. I like girls with soul, and I'll be honest, white girls have souls, but not SOUL...

Also, what is up with my hair today? I just shampooed and conditioned with nothing special, and on the way to work, drove with my head out the window on the freeway, and it feels like epicly soft. I don't mean to brag, but you should all come check this out.

A hate blog is hard to do, man!

I origininally started this blog thinking I would be able to regularlly write about people that I have come across in my life that deserve to be called out.  I got the first one out just fine.  She deserved what I said, and probably more, but we'll see if i can't make up for it someday.  Since I hung out with her, I texted her a couple times more but have not talked with Rhianna since then.  No big deal.

In my own life, I've been kind of busy since then.

I started a new job auditing pensions at a place called United Retail Merchandisers.  It's not the most exciting job, but they pay me the same whether I like it or not, I just have to do the job well.  Apparently I'm doing something right, because they couldn't be any happier with my job performance.  I started on a week without a Monday, thanks to Memorial Day.  Did you thank anyone?  Monday through Thursday is business dress.  Most people feel content wearing khakis and polos... YUCK!

That kind of appearance will not work for me.  I wear good black pants with a white shirt and a nice tie.  I have to look like I'm serious business, but not to show off for anyone or anything like that, just for myself.  Some guy that works there got upset with me for dressing too nice, he said something about fighting for years to get rid of that dress code.  Is this the khaki and polo generation of the workplace?  I hope not.  I like comfort, but style comes first.

Anyway, there is casual Friday, which gave me a chance to dress with my typical street style.  I wore a pair of sweet jeans and v-neck, cause that's the modern style that helps me get by.  Finished it off with some new sneakers I probably shouldn't have bought.  That night I took the liberty of getting the new X-men movie.  I have to say I very well enjoyed it.  I think they did a wonderful job with it, but watching it on my laptop probably didn't do it justice.  

Saturday was a great day.  I woke up and went back to sleep.  Got up again at eleven and enjoyed the benefits of free wifi again.  Afterwards I went to a church activity playing Super Smash Brothers with a bunch of friends, followed by a session of BS'n with a few cool duders.  I realized at that point that I needed some gasoline, so I went to the gas station and refueled.  Following that, I returned to my apartment (did I mention I moved), got changed and went to a baptism, and it went pretty well.

Once I had returned home from that, I trimmed my beard a little bit and did some stuff to my hair to get ready to hang out with the lovely miss Wendy Nollette.  She's a very cool girl.  We went downtown and saw some art festival with energetic, live music.  It was really fun to be in that place with her, but that wasn't even the best part of the night.  After that we went back to Wendy's place and ended up just watching music videos on Comcast and talking for a few hours.  She's pretty amazing, and I look forward to hanging out with her again, really soon.

That's about all for now I think.  But if I think of anything else, don't worry, The Only One Says A Lot Of Things!

Welcome to Coeur d'Alene, sucker?

We should hang out next friday, I'll have the house with a few less people.  (or something like that)  This was a text that I received last Monday.  I guess that means it was the 11th?  Who cares, it was two Mondays ago.  This girl came into my life in a sense last November,  that some months ago for those who don't have a calendar nearby.  I have been trying to get to know her since that time.  I was immediately smitten by her style, she was a modern day Audrey Hepburn, or she tried to appear that way.  Truth is, Audrey Hepburn had class.

Rhianna Reed is a force that I know I will receive backlash of sorts from for this posting.  I'm okay with that.  She's got soft skin, but a hard interior.  A few months ago while texting at night, laying on my couch, I'm telling her that we should try to hang out.  Her response was something loosely around "we could never be close friends."  When I asked her why, she said she couldn't explain it. Go figure.  Somehow I'm the bad person for wanting to know why someone says they can't be a close friend of mine.  Needless to say, I gave up on her for a while.

Eventually I started talking to her again, and I can't remember why now.  We would see each other at dances, which was cool.  I liked dancing with cute girls.  I don't like dancing with girls that remain so aloof that you can't help but be attracted to them.  It's like they know how to reel me in, I'm just a fish on their hook.

Our original plans for Friday night were to have some dinner, make a fire, look at the stars, listen to music and watch a movie.  Well, we kind of listened to music and watched a movie eventually.  But I fell asleep.  That's my bad though, so I can't blame her for that.

Yesterday afternoon while driving around with Cody, I started texting her again.  I'm textin Rhianna asking if it's bad for me to wished to have sat closer to her during the movie the previous night.  She said no.  I responded quickly with, "If I come back tonight, can we sit closer during a movie?"  she said that would be fine, and reminded me that I should bring some music for her.  (Okay, I'm cool with everything at this point)

I show up a little later than everyone else last night, a trait I'm known for.  Come on in, say hello to Rhianna Reed's siblings and cousin who will remain nameless, as they are innocent and have not wronged me in the least bit, I actually enjoyed their company.  I eventually find Rhianna in the backyard around the fire with a handful of strangers.  I get introduced to someone named "Nick."  He seemed more like an uncle than a friend, but he's not the subject of this.  I sat outside for a while, talking to not one person.  Decide I might as well doing something while I'm doing nothing, and decide to just start burning some CDs for Rhianna.  I sometimes regret being nice for people when I find out how they will treat me.  We sat in the same room for an hour, not really talking much.  I ask if she wants to watch a movie yet, she replies that she would fall asleep right away, so probably not.  After I let her know that I could set an alarm and stay awake as well, she insisted on it being a no go.  I sat on her couch while she sat on the computer for at least a half hour.  No talking, at all.  As if me driving out an hour to her house to be a stranger wasn't bad enough, she decides to basically ignore me.  Well, I'm not gonna sit around all night and be the burden of a bad host.  I picked up my things, and said, "Well, I guess I'm going to go now."

I texted her "sorry.." and got this reply. "I feel sick to my stomache right now, i did so many wrong things today."

I still haven't received a response on what she meant by that, but then again a coward will usually know they are wrong, but never actually tell it like it is.

Sorry, Rhianna, The Only One says a lot of things...